Friday, February 15, 2013

Checking in...


I have been sober for over eight weeks. I don’t remember a conscious decision to stop drinking, though I’d been thinking about it for a long time. It just happened.
I’d been feeling like shit for a while, had gained a lot of weight, and was having some problems with my health, but kept telling myself that I just needed to slow down, not stop. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, I think you’ve gathered that alcohol is a large part of the culture at the café, it’s not a good thing, but that’s the way it’s been for a long time. I’ve made half-hearted attempts to change that, but never had much follow through, being as bad as, or worse than, everyone else.
Then, one Wednesday, I didn’t drink. That turned into a couple of days, I made it through the anger and agitation which had attended the first few days of sobriety each time I had tried in the past few years, and I just kept going. I knew that if I had a drink, it would turn into two, then three, then a six pack and a couple of shots, so I held off. I haven’t avoided being around alcohol, I will still go next door to the bar with the crew from time to time and have a limeade while they have a beer or shot, and I still go to the pseudo-Irish pub in town to see my friends, I just drink tea. There was a period, about a month in, where I was pissed off about the whole thing, wanted to drink, was tired about the “still on the wagon?” question, or worse, the “why?” but I got through it and around week six my mood improved and I started hitting the gym with a bit of regularity.
I had beer in the fridge for about the first month, then I poured them out. There is still a bottle of nice bourbon and a good bottle of wine in the cabinet, but I feel no desire to drink them. I think that if I got rid of those I would get mad again, better to just leave them where they are, let myself think that I might be able to enjoy them some day.

5 comments:

John Gray said...

Eric
Since December I also have not drank alcohol
Like you, I just didn't want to be bothered and although I did have a beer when we went out. For dinner...it held no enjoyment for me
Good for you.
Good for your loved ones
Good for you

Eric said...

Thanks, John! Good for you, too.

John Gray said...

Good for us

Maria said...

Ok, buddy. I just sent a kiss your way, in my head, that was totally inappropriate.

When I quit, I did the same thing you did and it worked for me too. I knew I couldn't survive if I became one of those people whom others were afraid to drink in front of...so, I didn't. I just stopped. And you know the rest. My body somehow healed and I had Liv. Now, I drink occasionally. Maybe you will be able to do that to, or not. We are all different. And guess what? Bing practically forced me into joining a gym several months ago and now I go four days a week and actually enjoy it. I NEVER thought I'd say that. I still have no muscles to speak of, though. Bummer.

Maria said...

Um...I meant that to as a too. Spelling mistakes drive me nuts.