Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Most workplaces have those horrible motivational posters hung all over the place; you know, the ones with the black border and a picture of an athlete and the word STRIVE printed in white at the bottom along with some cheesy quote.

We have…uh…these:

Try not to suck – Spray painted on the dishroom wall.

Please put the fucking shit back after you use it. Thank, and fuck, you. – Magic marker next to the cleaning supplies.

Go Away – Tile mosaic on the floor at the entrance to my office

Life is a chingadera, so get jiggy. – Painted in the back kitchen.

The customer is always wrong – photo of a sign in Mexico, hanging in the dining room.

There is a place online that sells cynical versions of those annoying office fixtures, I have this one in my office.


Maria said...

Smiling. I wondered where Julie (she is the owner of our property and a co-worker, we call her "Julie, our cruise director) bought the lithographs in our staff lounge that say:

1) Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

2) Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.


And I have a tee shirt that says: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Maria said...

Sighing...I wanted to share more of my fabulous tee shirt sayings but I have to go to a stupid dinner party. I have to go straight from my office, so I brought a change of clothes. Now, I am sitting in my office wearing a fancy red party dress and a pair of red high heels. I work in what is called "the projects", "the ghetto" or just "the 'hood" in my city. My car is parked nearly a block away from my office and I forgot my raincoat, which means that I will now run through the pouring rain wrapped in a garbage bag with my purse on top of my head. I will look like an escaping prostitute, I suppose. I may fall too. How lovely. Ugh. I hate dinner parties. Later, you.

Maria said...

Home from the benefit/dinner.

Incredible music
Steak that you could cut with a butter knife.

Meeting someone whom I had previously talked to on the phone. His comment: "You sound so much younger on the phone."
Coming home with a really bad earache that was just a slight ache when I left work.

I am beginning to wish that I was a waitress in your cafe. I could wear a name tag with a name on it like Dinah or Ruby and I'd be one of those waitresses that make people feel at home. I'd never call older women "sugar" but I'd get good tips because I would remember to keep the water glasses full but not too full and I'd deliver the food on time and piping hot.

Aw...who am I kidding? I would suck eggs at waitressing. I'm too bitchy and I'd come home and complain all night that my feet hurt.

Anyway, SO glad to be home. A hot bath and some tylenol. Tomorrow is another day.

Eric said...

I love both of those lithographs, actually all of 'em are pretty damned funny. It's great that someone was able to spin those asinine posters and make a living off of it.
Oh, to be that smart.
Well, I'm glad you didn't fall, or get dragged off to hooker camp, on your way to your car, and I'm sorry that you were seated next to an asshole.
I think you'd probably be a pretty good waitress, seems like you already know what needs to be done (it's amazing how many don't) but those kids need you more than these people need a third refill of Coke.
Plus, yeah, it does murder your feet.
Hope your ear is feeling better.

-Sarah- said...

i like how you're not even titling your posts anymore. brilliant. and in case you were thinking about making blogging and social networking an impressive "go-getter" addition to your job description - DON'T. it takes the fun out of it, as I'm sure you've deduced by me lack of postage on my blog. damn the man.

Eric said...

Wait, I thought Buddy and Pat wrote that blog.

I think that if I write a book I won't title that either, just start page one on the cover.

Finally, yes, you should post more.

PS I hear you all are getting a new pizzeria soon, you must spy on it for me as I am beginning to toy with the idea of invading West Texas.

-Sarah- said...

a new pizzeria, eh? I know there's something called west side crust...or something... And yes, Pat and Buddy write their blog. I'm just a consultant, but they can be a little testy.

Eric said...

That may be the place, some people were in the other day talking about it, supposed to have a wood-fired oven.

Strange, I kinda thought Pat looked like he (she?) might be a little hard to work with, but Buddy looks friendly.